December 2009
“Saturday I was sitting in a hammock in a bikini under a cloudless sky sipping a...”
“I just got a one-line email from my parents’ butler: “I was asked to...”
“Harvard has truly brainwashed me - even my procrastination is now productive....”
“I hooked up with a girl with a mustache. FML”
“My grades have gone down this term, but my win percentage in minesweeper has...”
“I think I’ve already put on the thesis thirty. I’m a freshman. FML”
“I accidentally e-mailed my Expos paper when the document was still called...”
November 2009
“The most exciting part of my week was when that bat boy thing bit a girl in EC10...”
“I wish I could quick-quotes pen my papers. I am only a muggle. FML”
“I have three essays due by yesterday. FML”
“I had sex with my teacher and she was too drunk to remember. I still failed. FML”
“There are no more tuna snack packs left in the vending machine in Cabot house....”
“I’ve always dreamed of going to Harvard. Now that I’m here, I...”
“Food baby grows bigger by the minute. FML”
“I nearly pulled his penis off. FML”
“My [straight] boyfriend looks more like a girl than me. FOL”
“Because I’m short, I get carded for everything from clubs to Sudafed to...”
“I’m a ‘Nochaholic. FML”
“I have a roommate who lost his detergent and therefore decided not to wash his...”
“I’m in love with Sarah Palin’s body, but can’t stand to hear...”
“I went to Widener and showed the mods my Harvard ID. They said it was a fake....”
“I went ninety on the highway the entire four and a half hours back to Harvard so...”
“I should be flying back in a couple hours, but I need the extra flight time to...”
“I expected to catch up on my reading and papers over break. I didn’t even...”
“I’m more stressed at home than I was at school. FML”
“I met the hottest guy in an elevator last night. At NYU. FML”
“I’m having the whole suite to myself. All I find myself doing is singing...”
“I went home for Thanksgiving and no one wants to hang out with me. The only...”
“I sprained a ligament in my finger playing soccer (yes, soccer) this past...”
“I don’t want to go back to Harvard. Community college is looking fairly...”
“What the hell is a footnote and how do I use one? FML”
“I’m an Asian geek with a Swedish name. FML”
“I am a sophomore in college and have yet to play a game of beer pong. FML”
“Just spent over two hours ironing clothes to avoid doing work. Hello, pressed...”
“Today, I found myself praying for some sort of physical harm or ailment to come...”
“Considering pulling an all-nighter, and I’m not even on campus. FML”
“Last week I went to a party and hooked up with this really hot girl, but when I...”
“I did well on the MCAT and still wound up at a Caribbean med school. Now, 1) I...”
“I go to Harvard and can’t figure out how to do Skype conference. FML”
“I just bought 32 ounces of Lavazza Espresso on Amazon to prepare for finals. FML”
“I just went to a party and saw my crush flirt with a blonde girl for two hours....”
“She said she cared about me. I thought I loved her. She used me for Ec1011. FML”
“I’m only happy when I’m either full of alcohol or full of dick. FML”
“Had sex without a condom. Got a STI. And I go to Harvard? FML”
“I lied to my family about my major. They’re going to find out in a few...”
“Freshman fifteen? Check. Sophomore sixteen? Check. Thesis thirty? Double check....”
“I’m afraid the love of my life only wants me for the sex. FML”
“Stuck at the airport because they have to replace a chair on the plane. Wish...”
“I wish I could find an Adderall dealer. I need something to stay up. FML”
“I told the guy I like that I’m at the extension school. I’m proud of...”